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Q3, 2005 Dirty Jokes  home-over.jpeg (955 bytes)

 

Office 2005 will become corporate standard in late Spring.  Some of the new helpful features are:  

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>A married Irishman went into the confessional and said >to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."
>
>The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
>
>The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed >together, but then I stopped."
>
>The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as >putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For >your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the >poor box."
>
>The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, >and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a >moment and then started to leave.
>
>The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him >saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the >poor box!"
>
>The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on >the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in.

 

Brian Hester invited his mother over for dinner.
During the course of the meal,
Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was.
Mrs. Hester had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and Stephanie, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two react, Mrs. Hester started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Stephanie than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts,
Brian volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Stephanie and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Stephanie came to Brian saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle.
You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Brian said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her a e-mail just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother:

I'm not saying that you "did"
take the gravy ladle from the house,
I'm not saying that you "did not"
take the gravy ladle.
But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
Brian

Several days later,
Brian received a letter from his mother that read:

Dear Son:

I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Stephanie, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Stephanie.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love,
Mom

~ LESSON OF THE DAY... NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER! ~