A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.

The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard. "What's the matter with you?" the older doctor demanded. "Mrs. Reid is 62 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren -and you told her she was pregnant?"

The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"
 

Voters - We're in more trouble than I imagined!

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, (and has for some time), she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff.".
. She also votes!

I used to work in technical support for a 24x7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific." . . . . . . He also votes!.

So my colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the admin. assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but

"didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving." . .

....... She also votes!
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car. It's designed to cut through a seatbelt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk. . . .
. .
My sister also votes!

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The
cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount. . . . He
also
votes!

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned.
My friend also votes!

My girlfriend and I were picking up some sandwiches from the sub place last week and she asked the clerk which of two sandwiches was better.
The clerk didn't have an opinion but did say that the first sandwich was more expensive. My girlfriend got a quizzical look on her face and asked, "If that's the case, why are they both listed with the same price on the menu?"
To this, the clerk responded, "I don't think we add tax to the turkey." .
. The clerk also votes!

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.
She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"
. . . . She also votes.

 

>Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench
>talking.......and one blonde says to the other:" Which do you think is farther away..........
>Florida or the moon?"
>
>The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see
>Florida.......????
>
>CAR TROUBLE
>
>A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
>After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She
>says, "What's the story?"
>
>He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
>
>She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
>
>SPEEDING TICKET
>
>A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely
>if he could see her license.
>
>She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
>Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to
>show it to you!"
>
>KNITTING
>
>A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
>Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
>wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing
>lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his
>bullhorn and yelled , "PULL OVER!"
>
>"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
>
>BLONDE ON THE SUN
>
>A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian
>said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the
>first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the
>first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other
>and shook their heads.
>
>"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
>
>To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going
>at night!"
>
>
>IN A VACUUM
>
>A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She
>rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature. Her question was,
>"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
>
>She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
>
>
>FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
>
>A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs,
>and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying
>that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said,
>"Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
>
>"HelOOOooo," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs.


Only an Aussie could pull this one off! >> >> From the State where drink driving is considered a sport, comes >>a true >> story from the Sunshine Coast, Queensland. >> >> Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local >>neighbourhood >> tavern. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving >>the bar so >> intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around >>the car >> park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. >>After what >> seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man >> managed >> to find his car which he fell into. >> >> He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons >>left the bar >> and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers >>on and >> off (it was a fine dry night), flicked the indicators on, then >>off, >> tooted >> the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle >>forward a >> >> few >> cm, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few >>more >> minutes as some more vehicles left. At last he pulled out of the >>car >> park and >> started to drive slowly down the road. >> >> The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now >>started >> up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled >>the man >> over >> and carried out a breathalyser test. To his amazement the >>breathalyser >> indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all! >> >> Dumbfounded, the officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany >> me to >> the Police station this breath-alyser equipment must be broken." >> >> "I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy". >> >> True story... >> >


 

 THE LAST PHOTO I EVER TOOK....