> CHINESE PROVERBS

>

> * Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.

> * Man who run in front of car get tired.

> * Man who run behind car get exhausted.

> * Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

> * Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

>

> * Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

> * Man with one chopstick go hungry.

> * Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

> * Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

> * Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

> * Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.

> * War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

> * Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

> * Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

> * It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

> * Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

> * Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

> * Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

> * Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

> * Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

> * Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

>

 

25 signs you've grown up.............
> >
> > 1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
> >
> > 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
> >
> > 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
> >
> > 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
> >
> > 5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
> >
> > 6. You watch the Weather Channel.
> >
> > 7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
> >
> > 8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
> >
> > 9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
> >
> > 10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door
> > won't turn down the stereo.
> >
> > 11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
> >
> > 12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
> >
> > 13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
> >
> > 14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
> >
> > 15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
> >
> > 16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
> >
> > 17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of
one.
> >
> > 18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset,
rather
> > than settle, your stomach.
> >
> > 19. You go to the drug store for Ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and
> > pregnancy tests.
> >
> > 20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
> >
> > 21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
> >
> > 22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces "I'm never going to
> > drink that much again."
> >
> > 23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
> >
> > 24. You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
> >
> > 25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that
> doesn't
> > apply to you.
 

Pfizer Corp. is making the announcement today that VIAGRA will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old fashioned "stiff drink".

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of "Mount And Do."