> QUESTION: Do you think that Gary Condit's behavior is comparable to Bill

> Clinton's?

>

> ANSWER: Close but no cigar

>

> Top Signs You've Hired The Wrong Marriage Counselor

> 15. Degree on the wall reads "Doctor of Swingology."

>

> 14. "I'm afraid there's not much you can do with a penis that small."

>

> 13. Her latest book: "Women Are From Venus, Men Are Lyin' Bastards"

>

> 12. "Just shut up and screw" doesn't seem like very good advice.

>

> 11. After you've earned enough "session points", you get to choose either

> a Louisville Slugger or a Tazer gun.

>

> 10. When you and your spouse claim sexual incompatibility, he throws a

> couple of pillows on the floor and says, "Prove it."

>

> 9. "Communication, schmunication - let's talk about 'backdoor love'..."

>

> 8. "Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Dr. Ike Turner will see you now."

>

> 7. You quickly discover that his motto, "Don't worry, be happy" is pretty

> much the extent of his knowledge of the English language.

>

> 6. Always takes Hillary's side.

>

> 5. In order to open the lines of communication, she begins the first

> session by hooking your genitals up to a car battery and tossing your wife

> the keys.

>

> 4. Agrees with husband that a request to "honk on Bobo" is foreplay

> enough.

>

> 3. "Mrs. Jones, I believe your husband is correct. Youare a whiny bitch."

>

> 2. Her last name has six hyphens.

>

> .... And the #1 sign you've hired the wrong Marriage Counselor is:

>

> 1. Keeps repeating, "If you can't change course, you must divorce."

>

>

>20 Ways to Say "Your Fly Is Open"

> 20. The cucumber has left the salad.

> 19. I can see the gun of Navarone.

> 18. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.

> 17. You've got Windows in your laptop.

> 16. Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave.

> 15. Your soldier ain't so unknown now.

> 14. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bell.

> 13. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...

> 12. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.

> 11. Your pod bay door is open, Hal.

> 10. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!

> 9. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.

> 8. Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!

> 7. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.

> 6. Dr. Kimble has escaped!

> 5. You've got your fly set for 'Monica' instead of 'Hillary.'

> 4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction...

> 3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.

> 2. I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?

>

> AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HIS FLY IS UNZIPPED...

>

> 1. I thought you were crazy; now I see your nuts.

>

>

> >>Ten things that he said-she said...........

>

> >>10) He said... I don't know why you wear a bra;

> >> you've got nothing to put in it. She

> >> said...You wear briefs, don't you?

>

> >>9) She said...What do you mean by coming home

> >> half drunk? He said... It's not my fault...I

> >> ran out of money.

>

> >>8) He said... Since I first laid eyes on you,

> >> I've wanted to make love to you in the worst

> >> way. She said...Well, you succeeded.

>

> >>7) He said... 'Two inches more, and I would be

> >> king'. She said...'Two inches less, and

> >> you'd be queen'.

>

> >>6) On wall in ladies room: "My husband follows

> >> me everywhere." Written just below it: "I do

> >> not."

>

> >>5) He said... "Shall we try a different

> >> position tonight?" She said..."That's a good

> >> idea.... you stand by the ironing board

> >> while I sit on the sofa and fart. "

>

> >>4) Priest... 'I don't think you will ever find

> >> another man like your late husband.' She

> >> said...'Who's gonna look?'

>

> >>3) He said... What have you been doing with all

> >> the grocery money I gave you? She

> >> said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror.

>

> >>2) He said... Let's go out and have some fun

> >> tonight. She said...Okay, but if you get

> >> home before I do, leave the hallway light

> >> on.

>

> >>......and the number 1 "He said...She said"..

>

> >>1) He said... Why don't you tell me when you

> >> have an orgasm? She said...I would, but

> >> you're never there.

>

>