> Advice From Women To Men

>

> 1. The reason why our bras don't always match our underwear is because

> WE actually change our underwear.

> 2. The next time you and your buddies joke about armed women in combat,

> take a poll to see which of you successfully aim at the toilet rim.

> 3. If we're watching football with you--it's not bonding--it's their

> butts.

> 4. Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after

> the movie.

> 5. Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime.

> 6. Please don't drive when you're not driving.

> 7. If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn't ask in

> bed.

> 8. The next time you joke about female drivers, research the number of

> accidents caused by rubber-necking mini-skirts.

> 9. If only women gossip, how do you and your friends keep track of

> "who's easy"?

> 10. Stop telling us most male strippers are gay: we don't care.

> 11. When you're not around, I belch loudly, too.

> 12. We don't mind if you look in the mirror to check your appearance --

> in fact -- please do !!!

> 13. When you're out with us, please wear "our" favorite outfit rather

> than "yours" -- the torn jeans and dirty T-Shirt will last longer that

> way.

> 14. If you must grunt in reply, please develop a system to indicate a

> positive vs a negative grunt.

> 15. Don't insist that we "get off the stupid phone" and then not talk to

> us.

> 16. Eye contact is best established above our shoulder-level.

> 17. Cleaning the house is not necessarily "women's work"; besides, most

> of the "dirt" and clutter is yours anyway.

> 18. Yes, we know most of the great chefs are men, why is it then you

> never want to cook?

> 19. We go to the Ladies Room in groups to talk about you.

> 20. Yes, we know you can probably beat us arm wrestling; however, very

> few raises or promotions were gained by arm wrestling the boss.

>

>

> TALIBAN TV GUIDE

>

> MONDAYS:

> 8:00 - "Husseinfeld"

> 8:30 - "Mad About Everything"

> 9:00 - "Suddenly Sanctions"

> 9:30 - "The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show"

> 10:00 - "Allah McBeal"

>

> TUESDAYS:

> 8:00 - "Wheel of Terror and Fortune"

> 8:30 - "The Price is Right If Usama Says Its Right"

> 9:00 - "Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things"

> 9:30 - "Taliban's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"

> 10:00 - "Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer"

>

> WEDNESDAYS:

> 8:00 - "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"

> 8:30 - "When Northern Alliance Attack"

> 9:00 - "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pita Bread"

> 9:30 - "Just Shoot Everyone"

> 10:00 - "Veilwatch"

>

> THURSDAYS:

> 8:00 - "Matima Loves Chachi"

> 8:30 - "M*U*S*T*A*S*H"

> 9:00 - "Veronicas Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and

Veils"

> 9:30 - "My Two Baghdads"

> 10:00 - "Diagnosis: Heresy"

>

> FRIDAYS:

> 8:00 - "Judge Laden"

> 8:30 - "Funniest Super 8 Home Movies"

> 9:00 - "Captured Northern Alliance Rebels Say the Darndest Things"

> 9:30 - "Achmeds Creek"

> 10:00 - "No-witness News"

>