Sometimes you are sad... and no one sees your tears.

Sometimes you are happy... and no one sees your smile...

but the times that you fart... trust me...

people smell that shit.

cartoons.pps   <- More good stuff

http://www.hotlink.net/dogs.html  

> A couple of drinkin buddies who are airplane mechanics

> are in a hanger at JFK New York. It's fogged in and they

> have nothing to do. One of them says to the other, "Man,

> have you got anything to drink?"

>

> The other one says, "Nah, but I hear you can drink jet fuel,

> and it will kinda give you a buzz." So they do drink it, get

> smashed and have a great time, like only drinking buddies

> can. The following morning, one of the men wakes up and

> he just knows his head will explode if he gets up, but it doesn't.

> He gets up and feels good. In fact, he feels great! No hangover!

> The phone rings. It's his buddy. The buddy says, "Hey, how do you feel?"

>

> "Great", he said! "Just great"! The buddy says, "Yeah, I feel great too,

> and no hangover. That jet fuel stuff is great. We should do this more

> often. "Yeah, we could, but there's just one thing..."

>

> "What's that?"

>

> "Did you fart yet?"

>

> "No..."

>

> "Well, DON"T, 'cause I'm in Phoenix."

> > > HARLEY DAVIDSON VS WOMEN

> > >

> > > Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, died

> and

> > > went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've

> been

> > > such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your

> reward

> > > is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." Arthur thought

> > > about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."

> St.

> > > Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and Introduced him to God.

> Arthur

> > > then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"

> > > God said, "Ah, yes." "Well," said Arthur, "professional to

> > > professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention.

>

> > > 1. There's too much inconsistency in the

> > > front-end protrusion.

> > >

> > > 2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.

> > >

> > > 3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.

> > >

> > > 4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.

> > > And finally,

>

> > > 5. The maintenance costs are outrageous."

> > >

> > > "Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

> > > God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and

> waited

> > > for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read

>

> > > it, "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to

> > > Arthur,; "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my

> > > invention than yours."

>

> A Sign in the window of a bar advertised for a Piano

> Player and one day a scroungy looking old guy entered

> the bar asking about the job. The bartender was put

> off by the man's looks, but pointed him to the piano

> in the corner.

>

> As the old man began to play, the room was filled

> with the most beautiful, melodious music anyone in the

> bar had ever heard. During the song, all talk stopped

> and when the music ended, the patrons leaped to their

> feet yelling and applauding wildly.

>

> "Hey, Old Timer," said the bartender. "You're really

> good. What was that beautiful song?"

>

> "I call it 'Drop them panties Momma, I'm gonna do ya

> all night long."

>

> Momentarily stunned, the bartender held his temper

> and said,"Interesting title. Do you have another?"

>

> The old man nodded and broke into a foot stomping

> honky-tonk piece that brought the bar patrons to their

> feet. The crowd clapped along until it was finished,

> then broke into a thunderous round of applause and

> filled his tip mug to overflowing.

>

> "You are amazing," exclaimed the bartender. "Just

> amazing! What do you call that one?"

>

> "Oh, that's a little ditty I call 'I wanna spank yer

> bare butt, baby, till you scream and holler.' Then, he

> rose, excused himself and shuffled off to use the restroom.

>

> While he was gone, the patrons begged the bartender

> to give the eccentric old musician the job. So, when

> the old man returned, the bartender said, "Mister, you

> are one of the greatest piano players I've heard. If

> you want the job, it's yours."

>

> Suddenly, the bartender noticed that the man had not

> finished his trip to the restroom. Not wanting to

> embarrass the old fellow, he leaned toward him and

> whispered, ...... "Sir, do you know your pecker's

> hanging out for all the world to see?"

>

> "Know it?" the geezer grinned. "Hell, I WROTE IT!"

>

>