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IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND LIFE, JUST ASK THE KIDS

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5,
and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would
get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a
moral lesson.   If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
"Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait."
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus."

____________________

A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old son
ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a
seagull lay dead  in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to
Heaven," the dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"
____________________

After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow
up, I'm  going to give you some money."
"Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?"
"Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever
had."

____________________

A wife invited some people to dinner.  At the table, she turned to
their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to
say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.  "Just say what you
hear Mommy said," the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite
all these people to dinner?"
____________________

A mother was teaching her three-year-old The Lord's Prayer. For
several evenings at bedtime, the child repeated it after the mother. Then one
night the child was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride
to the carefully enunciated words, right up to the end. "And lead us not into
temptation, but deliver us some e-mail"...
____________________

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and
looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell
out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely.
It was an old leaf from  a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.  "What have you got
there, dear?" his mother asked.  With astonishment in the young boy's voice,
he answered:  "I think it's Adam's suit!"

____________________

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man
named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but
his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son then asked, "What
happened to the flea?"
____________________

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of kittens.
On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were 2 boy
kittens and 2 girl kittens." How did you know?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied.  "I think
it's printed on the bottom."
____________________

On the first day of school, about mid-morning, the
kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two
fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that
help?"
____________________

A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and
began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the
box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table.
"What are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says not to eat them if the
seal is broken" the boy explained. "I'm  looking for the seal."

Remember, marriage is the number one cause of divorce. It's TRUE!

Statistically 100% of all divorces started with marriage!

_____________________________________________________________________

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

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I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

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Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

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The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said,

"Dust!"

_____________________________________________________________________

In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and

rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

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Why do men die before their wives? Because they want to.

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What is the difference between a dog and a fox?

About 5 drinks.

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A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and

said

"I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "God,

I

wish I had your will power!"

_____________________________________________________________________

Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.

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Young Son: Is it true, Dad ... I heard that in some parts of Africa a man

doesn't know his wife until he marries her?

Dad: That happens in every country, son.

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A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted." Next day he

received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have

mine."

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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it

once.

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First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

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How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for

free.

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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking

they had no faults at all.

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If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word

you

say, talk in your sleep.

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Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what

real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

_____________________________________________________________________

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get

married?"

And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

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> > ><> WARNING <> Rape Drug Used on Men

> > >> ================================

> > >> PLEASE READ THIS, IT'S IMPORTANT NEWS TO

> > >> ALL GUYS THAT GO OUT TO CLUBS OR BARS

> > >> ...'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.

> > >^.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'..

> > >> '.'.'.'.'.

> > >>

> > >> Men, be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer

> > >>from a girl.

> > >> Good girls out there, please forward this message to your

> > >guy friends.

> > >>

> > >> And girlfriends, take heed.

> > >>

> > >> There is a new drug that is in liquid form. The drug is

> > >now being

> > >> used by female sexual predators at parties to induce their

> > >male

> > >> victims to have sex with them. The shocking news is that

> > >the

> > >> drug is available virtually anywhere!

> > >>

> > >> It goes by the street name "Beer".

> > >>

> > >>

> > >> All girls have to do is buy a "Beer" or two for almost any

> > >guy

> > >> and then simply ask the guy home for no-strings-attached

> > >sex.

> > >> Men are rendered literally helpless against such tactics.

> > >>

> > >> Please! Forward this to everyone you know...

> > >>

> > >

> > >

Subject: Milk

A not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life

science classroom, staring at a question on the final

exam paper. The question directed:

"Give four advantages of breast milk."

What to write?

He sighed, and began to scribble whatever

came into his head, hoping for the best:

1. No need to boil.

2. Never goes sour.

3. Available whenever necessary.

So far so good - maybe.

But the exam demanded a fourth answer.

Again, what to write?

Once more, he sighed. He frowned.

He scowled, then sighed again.

Suddenly, he brightened.

He grabbed his pen, and

triumphantly, he scribbled his

definitive answer:

4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes.

He received an A.

>

> > > >One night, G.W. Bush was awakened by George Washington's ghost.

> Bush

> > saw

> > > >him and asked,

> > > >

> > > >"George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country, if I

> am

> > > >elected President?"

> > > >

> > > >"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised George.

> > > >

> > > >The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark

> > bedroom.

> > > >

> > > >"Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country, if I am

> > elected

> > > >President?" Bush asked.

> > > >

> > > >"Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom.

> > > >

> > > >Bush didn't sleep well the next night, and saw yet another figure

> moving

> > in

> > > >the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost.

> > > >

> > > >"Abe, what is the best thing I could do for the country, if elected

> > > >President?" Bush asked.

> > > >

> > > >"Go to the theatre," replied Abe

> > >

> > > --