> PICK UP LINES THAT REALLY WORK.

>

> 1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day.

> 2. Nice legs...what time do they open?

> 3. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out

my package.

> 4. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

> 5. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

> 6. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the

only one talking

> to you.

> 7. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted

Bed Thrasher.

> Have you seen one?

> 8. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on

earth tonight.

> 9. Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the

hell outta me.

> 10. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Superdrug, so

I could ride you

> all day long for a quarter.

> 11. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.

> 12. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.

> 13. Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to

heaven?

> 14. You might not be the best looking girl here, but

beauty is only a

> light switch away.

> 15. Are those real?

> 16. You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.

> 17. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and

even farther for

> that thing you do with your tongue.

> 18. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be

you by morning.

> 19. (Look down at your crotch) Well, it's not just going

to suck itself.

> 20. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.

> 21. You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?

> 22. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Helga

Titsbottom?

> 23. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on

my bedroom

> floor.

> 24. My name is (name)...remember that, you'll be screaming

it later.

> 25. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk

by again?

> 26. Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for

me.

> 27. My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.

> 28. Hi. The voices in my head told me to come over and

talk to you.

> 29. My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you

want to.

> 30. I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have

you been

> drinking?

> 31. If you were the last woman and I was the last man on

earth, I bet we

> could do it in public.

> 32. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why? Don't

you like

> pizza?

> 33. Is that a keg in your pants? Because I'd sure like to

tap that ass!

> 34. Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go

home without

> me.

> 35. Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I???

> 36. Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see

myself in them.

> 37. I lost my puppy. Can you help me find him? I think he

went into this

> cheap motel room.

> 38. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out

of these wet

> clothes.

>

> A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to

> her,

> draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

> After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer! The woman goes

> into

> her supervisor's office, tells him what the co-worker does, and that she

> wants to file a sexual harassment suit against the man. The Supervisor

> is

> puzzled by this and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker

> telling you your hair smells nice?" The woman replies, "He's a

> midget!"

Top Ten Things You Should Never Say To a Woman During an

Argument:

(you've gotta love #8)

1. Don't you have some laundry to do or something?

2. Oh, you are so cute when you get all pissed off.

3. You're just upset because your ass is beginning to

spread.

4. Wait a minute - I get it. What time of the month is it?

5. You sure you don't want to consult the great Oprah on

this one?

6. I'm sorry. I was just picturing you naked.

7. Whoa, time out . . . football is on.

8. Looks like someone had an extra bowl of bitch flakes this

morning!

9. Is there any way we can do this via e-mail?

10. Who are you kidding? We both know that thing ain't

loaded.

> There was an old guy wandering around the supermarket calling out,

>

> "Crisco, Crisssco!"

>

> Finally a store clerk approached. "Sir, the Crisco is in aisle five."

> "Oh," replied the old gentleman, "I'm not looking for cooking Crisco,

> I am calling my wife."

> "Your wife is named "Crisco?

> "Nah," he answered, "I only call her that when we're out in public."

> "Oh? What do you call her when you are at home?

> "Lard ass."

>

>Subject: Fwd: Firemen

>

>

>Subject: little fire fighter

>

>A fire fighter is working on the Engine outside the

>

>station when he notices a little boy next door in a

>

>little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side.

>The boy is wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the

>wagon tied to a dog and a cat.

>

>The fire fighter says, "Hey little partner, what are

>

>you doing?"

>

>The little boy says, "I'm pretending to be a fireman,

>and this is my fire truck."

>

>The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look.

>"That's sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter

>says with admiration.

>

>"Thanks mister," the boy says.

>

>The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the boy

>has tied the wagon to the dog's collar, and to the cat's

>

>testicles. "Little partner," the fire fighter says, "I don't want to

>tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie

>

>that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."

>

>The little boy says, "You're probably right, mister,

>

>but then I wouldn't have a siren."

>

>

Mary had a little lamb

> > Her father shot it dead.

> > Now it goes to school with her,

> > between two hunks of bread.

> >

> > Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.

> > Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,

> > What have you got there?

> > Said the Pieman unto Simon,

> > Pies, you dickhead.

> >

> > Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

> > Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

> > All the kings horses and all the kings men,

> > said "Fuck him, He's only an egg."

> >

> > Mary had a little lamb

> > It ran into a pylon.

> > 10,000 volts went up it's ass

> > and turned it's wool to nylon

> >

> > Georgie Porgy pudding and pie.

> > Kissed the girls and made them cry.

> > When the boys came out to play,

> > He kissed them too, cause he was gay.

> >

> > Jack and Jill

> > Went up the hill

> > to have a little fun.

> > Jill, that dill

> > Forgot her pill

> > and now they have a son.

> >

> > Little Boy Blew.

> > Hey. He needed the Money.

>

>