November, 2000 Clean Jokes
English Version - Wassuup.zip
> A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper
> started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to
> throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally,
> the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that
> he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The
> farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?" The
> trooper stopped writing the ticket and said--"Well yeah, if that's what
> they are--I never heard of circle flies". So the farmer says--"Well,
> circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because
> they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse. The
> trooper says, Oh, and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute
> he stops and says, Hey...wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horses
> ass? The farmer says, Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law
> enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horses
> ass. The trooper says, Well, that's a good thing, and goes back to writing
> the ticket. After a long pause, the farmer says, Hard to fool them flies
> though ...
> Once upon a time there was a shepherd tending his sheep at the edge of a
> country road. A brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee screeches to a halt next to
> him. The driver, a young man dressed in a Brioni suit, Cerrutti shoes,
> Ray-Ban glasses, and Jovial Swiss wrist watch, gets out and asks the
> shepherd: "If I guess how many sheep you have, will you give me one of
> them?" The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the sprawling
> field of sheep and says: "Okay." The young man parks the SUV, connects his
> notebook and wireless modem, enters a NASA site, scans the ground using
> his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms, then
> prints a 150 page report on his high tech mini printer. He then turns to
> the shepherd and says: "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here." The shepherd
> answers: "That's correct, you can have your sheep." The young man takes
> one of the animals and puts it in the back of his vehicle. The shepherd
> looks at him and asks: "Now, if I guess your profession, will you pay me
> back in kind?" The young man answers: "Sure." The shepherd says: "You are
> a consultant." "Exactly! How did you know," asks the young man? Very
> simple, answers the shepherd. "First, you came here without being called.
> Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew. Third,
> you do not understand anything about my business and I'd really like to
> have my dog back."
> I don't know if you've heard, but starting Jan 1,2001 you will no
> longer be able use a cell phone while driving unless you have a "hands
> I went to Circuit City and they wanted $50 for a hands free
> adapter!!!I have managed to get hold of some "off brand" units and was
> wondering if anyone is interested. These kits are compatible with any
> mobile phone and one size fits all. I paid $8 each for buying in quantity.
> selling them for $10. I tried them out on Ericson, Motorola, Sony,
> Qualcomm & Nokia phones andthey worked perfectly.
> A photo is attached. Take a look and let me know if you want one.
Click the pic
> Dear Kids,
> I am very happy in the new residence you have put me in.
> This week we actually got to go outside for an hour. I haven't been
> feeling very good this week, the friend you placed me with died
> yesterday. I am coping pretty well with my sorrows. It's been two
> years since you visited me last. I guess you're all pretty busy. It's
> okay. I learned to use the internet to pass the time. So you can
> remember what I look like I sent you a recent picture of myself.
> I send you this picture with all of my heart !
> Love, Grandma