November, 2000  Clean Jokes      home-over.jpeg (955 bytes)

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English Version -

> A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper

> started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to

> throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally,

> the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that

> he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The

> farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?" The

> trooper stopped writing the ticket and said--"Well yeah, if that's what

> they are--I never heard of circle flies". So the farmer says--"Well,

> circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because

> they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse. The

> trooper says, Oh, and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute

> he stops and says, Hey...wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horses

> ass? The farmer says, Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law

> enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horses

> ass. The trooper says, Well, that's a good thing, and goes back to writing

> the ticket. After a long pause, the farmer says, Hard to fool them flies

> though ...





> Once upon a time there was a shepherd tending his sheep at the edge of a

> country road. A brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee screeches to a halt next to

> him. The driver, a young man dressed in a Brioni suit, Cerrutti shoes,

> Ray-Ban glasses, and Jovial Swiss wrist watch, gets out and asks the

> shepherd: "If I guess how many sheep you have, will you give me one of

> them?" The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the sprawling

> field of sheep and says: "Okay." The young man parks the SUV, connects his

> notebook and wireless modem, enters a NASA site, scans the ground using

> his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms, then

> prints a 150 page report on his high tech mini printer. He then turns to

> the shepherd and says: "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here." The shepherd

> answers: "That's correct, you can have your sheep." The young man takes

> one of the animals and puts it in the back of his vehicle. The shepherd

> looks at him and asks: "Now, if I guess your profession, will you pay me

> back in kind?" The young man answers: "Sure." The shepherd says: "You are

> a consultant." "Exactly! How did you know," asks the young man? Very

> simple, answers the shepherd. "First, you came here without being called.

> Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew. Third,

> you do not understand anything about my business and I'd really like to

> have my dog back."


Hi everyone!


> I don't know if you've heard, but starting Jan 1,2001 you will no

> longer be able use a cell phone while driving unless you have a "hands

> free"adapter.


> I went to Circuit City and they wanted $50 for a hands free

> adapter!!!I have managed to get hold of some "off brand" units and was

> wondering if anyone is interested. These kits are compatible with any

> mobile phone and one size fits all. I paid $8 each for buying in quantity.

> I'm

> selling them for $10. I tried them out on Ericson, Motorola, Sony,

> Qualcomm & Nokia phones andthey worked perfectly.

> A photo is attached. Take a look and let me know if you want one.


handsfre1.jpg (41444 bytes)  Click the pic


> Dear Kids,

> I am very happy in the new residence you have put me in.

> This week we actually got to go outside for an hour. I haven't been

> feeling very good this week, the friend you placed me with died

> yesterday. I am coping pretty well with my sorrows. It's been two

> years since you visited me last. I guess you're all pretty busy. It's

> okay. I learned to use the internet to pass the time. So you can

> remember what I look like I sent you a recent picture of myself.

> I send you this picture with all of my heart !


> Love, Grandma

grandm~1.jpg (24739 bytes)