A way to make women save their money

Viagra Request

Two women are playing golf on a sunny afternoon when one of

them accidentally slices her shot into a foursome of men. To

her horror, one of the men collapses in agony, both hands in

his crotch. She runs down to him, apologizing profusely,

explaining that she is a physical therapist and can help

ease his pain.

"No, thanks.just give me a few minutes.I'll be fine.," he

replies quietly, hands still between his legs.

Taking it upon herself to help the poor man, she gently

undoes the front of his pants and starts massaging his

genitals. "Doesn't that feel better?" she asks.

"Well... yes.... that's pretty good," he admits. "But my

thumb still hurts like hell."

HOW TO SAY "I LOVE YOU" IN 20 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES:

English . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I Love You

Spanish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Te Amo

French . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Je T'aime

German . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . lch Liebe Dich

Japanese . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ai Shite Imasu

Italian . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ti Amo

Chinese. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wo Ai Ni

Swedish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jag Alskar

Alabama, Arkansas, Oklahoma,

South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee,

Texas, Mississippi, West Virginia

and Kentucky. . . . . . . . ..................... . .Nice Tits

Someone who teaches at a Middle School in Safety Harbor, Florida forwarded

the following letter. The letter was sent to the principal's office after

the

school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. This story is a credit to

all

human kind.

Dear Safety Harbor Middle School:

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen's

luncheon.

I am 84 years old and live at the SafetyHarbor Assisted Home for the Aged.

All of my family has passed away. It's nice to know that someone really

thinks of me.

God blesses you for your kindness to an old,forgotten lady.My roommate is

95 and always had her own radio, but would never let me listen to it, even

when she

was napping.

The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a lot of

pieces.

It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine,

and I said fuck you.

Sincerely,

Edna Johnston

OUTSIDE:

I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to

love.

INSIDE:

After having met you, I've changed my mind.

OUTSIDE:

I must admit, you brought Religion in my life.

INSIDE:

I never believed in Hell 'till I met you.

OUTSIDE:

Looking back over the years that we've been together, I

can't help but wonder:

INSIDE:

What the f#$k was I thinking?

OUTSIDE:

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am

INSIDE:

that you're not here to ruin it for me.

OUTSIDE:

If I get only one thing for Christmas,

INSIDE:

I hope it's your sister.

OUTSIDE:

Congratulations on your promotion.

INSIDE:

Before you go though, would you like to take this knife

out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.

OUTSIDE:

For every year that goes by, Mother

INSIDE:

I just think of that inheritance getting closer and

closer....

OUTSIDE:

I always wanted to be rich, powerful, and well

respected.

INSIDE:

And while I'm dreaming, I wish you weren't so damn ugly.

OUTSIDE:

Sex with you is like using drugs:

INSIDE:

lots of people do it, but nobody's stupid enough to

admit it.

OUTSIDE:

When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.

INSIDE:

Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept

your promise.

OUTSIDE:

The holidays are a great time to be with family.

INSIDE:

Of course, your family won't be with you, since I'm

taking the kids and

moving in with my sister, you cheating ass.

OUTSIDE:

We have been friends for a very long time,

INSIDE:

let's say we call it quits.

OUTSIDE:

I'm so miserable without you,

INSIDE:

it's almost like you're here.

OUTSIDE:

If you ever need a friend...

INSIDE:

buy a dog.

OUTSIDE:

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

INSIDE:

Did you ever find out who the father was?

*****************************************

Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Foolish man give wife grand piano; wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk.

War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It takes many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.

Man who farts in church sits in own pew.

Crowded elevator smells different to midget.

House without toilet is uncanny.

Woman who flys upside down will have crack up.

I was helping someone set up his computer, and he wanted to log in with a password.... Now you have to understand he's got somewhat of a rebellious attitude and goes for the shock effect ... so when the computer asked him to enter his password, he keys in "penis"... I nearly fell off the chair from laughing so hard when the computer replied: *** PASSWORD REJECTED. TOO SHORT***

Because you're my friend...

When you are sad,.............I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum sucking bastard/bitch who made you sad.