December, 2000 Dirty Jokes
> "I read somewhere that 77 percent of all the mentally
> ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23
> percent who are apparently doing quite well for
> themselves."
>
>
>
> "Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or
> where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter
> how bad it is."
>
>
> "Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what
> an attractive scrotum!'"
>
>
> "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men
> can fake whole relationships."
>
>
> "Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that,
> you're in."
>
>
> "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for
> black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like
> black pimps."
>
>
> (On going to war over religion)
> "You're basically killing each other to see
> who's got the better imaginary friend."
>
>
> (On the difference between men and women:)
> "On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On
> the other hand, we can open all our own jars."
>
>
> "And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people, don't blame
> everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people,
> don't blame everything on Satan."
>
>
> "Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die."
>
>
> "There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an
> airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious
> to meet people who do."
>
>
> "My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what
> she's reading."
>
>
> "My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a
> bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker."
>
>
> "I saw a large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it.
> I said, 'Thyroid problem?"
>
>
> Son takes his father to the doctor. Doctor gives them the bad news that
> the father is dying of cancer. Father tells the son that he has had a good
> long life and wants to stop at the bar on the way home to celebrate it.
>
> While at the bar, the father sees several of his friends. He tells them
> that he is dying of AIDS.
>
> When the friends leave the son asks, "Dad, you are dying of cancer. Why
> did you tell them that you are dying of AIDS?"
>
> The father replies, "I don't want them fucking your mother after I'm
> gone!"
Subject: FW: Rejected Hallmark Cards
This will make you laugh! Its too cute!
>> <<
>>> Rejected Hallmark Cards!
>>>
>>> 1. So your daughter's a hooker,
>>> and it spoiled your day...
>>> Look at the bright side,
>>> she's a really good lay.
>>>
>>> 2. My tire was thumping...
>>> I thought it was flat...
>>> when I looked at the tire...
>>> I noticed your cat...Sorry!
>>>
>>> 3. You had your bladder removed
>>> and you're on the mends...
>>> here's a bouquet off lowers
>>> and a box of Depends.
>>>
>>> 4. You've announced that you're gay,
>>> won't that be a laugh,
>>> when they find out you're one
>>> of the Joint Chiefs of Staff!
>>>
>>> 5. Happy Vasectomy!
>>> Hope you feel zippy!
>>> 'Cause when I had mine
>>> I got real snippy.
>>>
>>> 6. Heard your wife left you...
>>> How upset you must be...
>>> But don't fret about it...
>>> She moved in with me.
>>>
>>> 7. Your computer is dead...
>>> it was once so alive.
>>> Don't you regret installing
>>> Windows 95?
>>>
>>> 8 You totalled your car...
>>> and can't remember why...
>>> could it have been...
>>> the case of Bud Dry?
>>>
>>> 9. Saw something today
>>> that reminded me of you.
>>> As a matter of fact it was
>>> the shit on my shoe!
>>>
>>> 10. So you're taking Viagra
>>> so you can please me.
>>> What you need is an implant
>>> Since your inch size is three!
>
> Top Twenty Signs She is Getting Bored Having Sex with You
> (And, Trust us, She is)
>
> 20. After you request sex she replies, 'Wait 'til the Nyquil kicks in.'
> 19. Gets very upset when the ashtray falls off your ass.
> 18. Actually answers when you ask 'Who's your daddy?'
> 17. Last time she screamed during sex was the first time she won at
> solitaire.
> 16. Only moans during commercial breaks.
> 15. Starts her fake orgasms during foreplay.
> 14. Keeps trying to set you up with her friends.
> 13. Runs for vacant Senate seat in New York.
> 12. You are currently sitting backstage at the Springer show.
> 11. Beginning to think she is only 'playing' dead.
> 10. During the act, she actually yelled out, 'Oh, Baby,
> Yadda,Yadda,Yadda.'
> 09. Has suddenly started making you pay in advance.
> 08. Her moans of delight discovered to actually be a wav file.
> 07. Instead of asking to leave her shirt on, she wants to leave her
> pants on too.
> 06. Keeps asking 'Are you SURE you're not gay?'
> 05. Boredom? So that's why she keeps deflating....
> 04. Holds up a picture of the Playboy centerfold to hurry you along.
> 03. Asks to be on top so she can balance her checkbook better.
> 02. She yells out her own name.
> 01. Bangs her head on the headboard BEFORE you begin.
>