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<< This young man in the Old West wanted to be the best gunfighter alive.

One night as he was sitting in a saloon, he spotted an old man who had

the reputation of being the greatest gunfighter in his day.

The young man walked up to the old man and told him his dream. The old

man looked him up and down and said,"I have a suggestion that is sure to

help."

"Tell me, tell me," said the young man.

"Tie the bottom of your holster lower onto your leg."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?"

"Definitely," said the old man.

The young guy did what he was told and drew his gun and shot the bowtie

off the piano player.

"Wow, that really helped. Do you have any more suggestions?"

"Yeah, if you cut a notch in the top of your holster where the hammer

hits, the gun will come out smoother.

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?"

"It sure will," said the old man.

The young guy did what he was told and drew his gun and shot a cufflink

off the piano player.

"This is really helping me. Is there anything else you can share with me?"

"One more thing," said the old man. "Get that can of axle grease over

there in the corner and rub it all over your gun."

The young fellow didn't hesitate but started putting the grease on the

gun.

"No, the whole gun, handle and everything." Said the old man.

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?"

"No," said the old man, "but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing that piano

he's going to shove that gun up your ass, and it won't hurt as much."

"MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND..."

> >>

> >> Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story.

> >>So Johnny tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go

> >>into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving

Aunt

> >>

> >>Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane

> >>helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat,

> >>then Daddy..." At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny,

this

> >>

> >>is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for

supper

> >>

> >>time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

> >> At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story. He

describes

> >>

> >> the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and

> >>"then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used

> >>to do when Daddy was in the Army."

> >>